A Place For Dreamers
Notes From iKolabas Creator
Hi! I'm William Embry II, creator of iKolaba!
I AM a Dreamer...
I began writing music over 12 years ago, but for me, that was as far as it ever went. I have always had an amazing passion for music and all forms of art, but in these past twelve years, as sometimes tends to occur, life happened. I graduated the University of Missouri, Columbia as a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine in 2007. I then proceeded to start my own Veterinary practice in Missouri and I currently work with my fantastic patients and clients. But my dreams never let me rest
During this time, I have since continued my artistic journey by creating the Mr. Wigglypops animated book series, founded the comedy network yummyummygoodness.com and its affiliates (Hi5 Studios, Coolest Guys Ever Productions, and Pure Awesomeness Designs), claimed patents, and copyrighted over 50 songs and numerous short stories.
But once again...More Dreaming
From my very first memories, I have always wanted to be involved in music. Unfortunately, I was not given the most talented voice and have only had time to dabble in learning musical instruments, although I love playing most that I have tried. Nonetheless, I have been working diligently over the last 12 years on my newest venture iKolaba!
Many, many years ago (early 2002), when I first conceived the idea for iKolaba, it was initially intended to be a simple way to get my ideas, songs, and lyrics out into the world. As iKolaba has grown in my mind over the years, it has evolved several times. What I really wanted was for EVERYONE to be able to have specific place to go with high traffic that was tailored to new music and where people are just as receptive as I am of all genre, ideas, artists, and musicians. I wanted YOUR music to be heard and YOUR artistic abilities to be seen too! I have been fortunate enough to travel not only throughout most of our great United States, but to also have traveled to other parts of the world. What I have always been fascinated by is how almost everyone Ive had the great fortune of meeting has so many amazing stories too! I have literally sat and talked to clients, fans, or just random strangers for hours about their stories. I have since come to realize that these are NOT just our stories, but also our songs. That is what iKolaba has come to mean for me. It is not just a musical collaboration facilitator, but a simple way for others to have the chance to communicate more about their stories, and to share these songs with the world! A place where people can feel comfortable about sharing their songs and knowing that a piece of them is out there floating along. Its not to make immediate Rock Stars out of everyone, but hopefully it will help your words inspire others. But what I LOVE about iKolaba is that it could help you reach your dreams!
In its simplistic form, iKolaba is an easy to use online music collaboration listing website performing like a bridge...a bridge going to where you want to be! It's more than just a new path for collaboration; it actually CAN be The Road to your future, success, and all your wildest dreams! Ive been across life's tough bridges several times, and believe me, we all need a helping hand and a little nudge out of the door from time to time. iKolaba is that bridge that easily gets YOUR voice out into the world! Enjoy!
The Meeting Ground for Artists, Writers, Musicians, Producers, Composers, Poets and Dreamers.
iKolaba = ALL OF US WORKING TOGETHER FOR THE MOVEMENT THAT IS NEW MUSIC AND ART!
~Will Embry II D.V.M., C.E.O., Dreamer
For Serious Artists
For Serious Dreamers
William Ben Embry II D.V.M. resides in Malden, MO. He currently practices veterinary medicine in Malden and Kennett, MO. Dr. Embry has recently began work on two new charity organizations including project LivePink and project HoldingDreams. He continues his passions of writing, creating, producing, inventing, being a father, and dreaming every day!
A Collection of Short Stories by the Creator of iKolaba
I've only ever broken a few promises...
A sunrise bike ride, that's what was promised...
The night was as young as you and your heart were. In a comfortable bed with heavy eyes, you easily drifted to sleep. Your soft skin against a gentle pillow allowing for an easy transition into the world of dreams. As you slowly closed your eyes, entering into another world, a soft voice is heard in the distance. Calling for you to follow him. Whispers of beautiful sunrises and incredible journeys echo through your mind. A gentle hand is felt on your shoulder. A seemingly familiar face materializes but you cannot make out any features no matter how hard you try. A warm, pleasant smile. An inviting look in his eyes. Do I know this person? He turns from you, slowly vanishing into darkness. You reach out your hand as to tell him not to go, but he is gone as quickly as he came. Your heart wonders, you shake off the image.
With fluid-like motion you rise from the bed into an ocean of silver and blue. A slight cool breeze gives you shivers and goose bumps in the brisk night air from an open window. Your body bathed in the moons silver light, you gently slide on a long sleeve shirt. A flood of questions rushes through your mind. Where am I? Who was he? Am I cold? Aren't I still Dreaming?
A voice from the darkness interrupts your thoughts. Again...enchanting sing-song whispers in the night. "Come down now..." A familiar phrase, one you've heard before.Friends and family have told you this before. Should I trust the voice? "Come, follow me," the voice whispers. You let your curiosity get the best of you...After all, its only a dream, right? You slowly move toward the voice now. It feels as if you gliding, floating through the air. You get the feeling of moving through liquid color as the shades of your surrounding swirl around you. Everything feels so smooth, yet everything is hazy. The only definite is your own voice as it thunders through your head as you ponder. In the complete silence, you hear yourself think it even before you ask, "Where are we going?"In your own mind, your voice echoes through the air as if in a tunnel and reverberates into your heart's soul. Slowly now you gently move down a stairway.
A familiar song is softly heard, calling to you in the darkness. The one voice, the same face. "Do you Trust Me?" the voice says. You hesitate then slowly nod your head and hold out your hand to take his as you whisper "Yes". He leads you to a vehicle, "May I take you to a place that only we know?" You know this person now. He has written many things to you, he has sung your song to you, he... He has loved you. But something is different this time. His normal confident nature wielding under something unseen. Is he nervous? You shake your head, I must still be dreaming. He helps you inside. Inside its warm and comfortable, sharply contrasting the cool, brisk morning air. What time is it? The clock flashes just before dawn. When will we see our sunrise? Am I now awake? "Close your eyes" he says. You feel safe. You feel trust. But where will we go? Where will he take me?
The journey traveled is short, the music...familiar, memorable and perfect. You keep your eyes closed, falling deeper into dreams. Once again, a voice in the darkness asks "Do you trust me?" From your lips you draw another whispered, yet questioning "yes." You slowly step out into the fresh cool morning air. You take a long deep breath letting nature fill your lungs and soul. You think to yourself, "I know this place, I've been here before". You turn from him, look up towards the stars and say "Why are we here, is this a dream?" He answers "But it is a dream, I promised you a sunrise bike ride." You then realize there's only one bike before you. Once again, for a third time in a row, he asks "Do you trust me?" You take a slow, thoughtful breath this time, slightly tilt your head as if puzzled as you whisper a long Yes. He tells you to begin the journey down the moon-lit, white gravel bike trail before you. He says "You will know when to stop. Don't look back, I'll be right behind you. Trust me.
He puts a warm coat around you as you take off down the silvery trail on a bicycle. The trail was easy to navigate with the aide of the moon and stars light. White gravel lit-up like runway lights calling a jet back home. Thoughts and questions begin to flood your mind once again. "Why is the moon still so bright at dawn?" How will I know when to stop?" This just does not make complete since. When will I finally wake?"
Your questions are silenced suddenly as a faint glow emanates from the trail around a curve in the path ahead. The glowing steadily grows brighter as you draw nearer. You ask yourself, "Is something on fire? Is the sun coming up already? Where is he?" To far yet to tell what it is, you proceed with caution and curiosity as the faint glow shines brighter and brighter. You wonder if he is also witnessing this phenomena in the middle of a secluded trail. At first you think it must be daybreak, but as you cleared the trees you notice that the trail was actually glowing in front of you. How did it get here, what is causing the strangely beautiful luminescence?
You approach closer and you begin to notice a flickering effect to the glow. Candles! you think to yourself. But how? In the shape of a heart with two sets of initials inside are numerous white candles. You know now exactly where you are.You used to watch sunsets from this place and your Love would take his hand and draw a huge heart into the white gravel with these same initials.You now know where to stop. You know where you belong, but where was he now?
You began to hear a familiar sound of rubber tire on gravel far in the distance, rapidly approaching. It grew closer as your heart begins to race. You would know all the answers to the riddles soon, or maybe you would suddenly wake up to find it all just a dream. You now hope that you are not dreaming. Anticipation...
He pulls up short of the lights. He steps out of the shadows and into the soft glow of candles. A tall, handsome young man...much younger than she, stands before you. Although dressed suddenly now in a three- piece suit, you can't take your eyes off of his smile, his eyes. The way he looks tonight...this night.
That night, two people fell deeper in Love. They stare into each others eyes, their souls. Never blinking, he doesn't hesitate...he drops to his knee, recites a beautiful poem he wrote for her, reaches for a small blue case, and asks her to be his wife.
"Yes!" "If I'm dreaming still, I don't ever want to wake up!"
They held each other and stared at their flickering names and shadows in the dancing heart.
He then tells her the real time...2 A.M. They stay up to watch the Sunrise on a new beginning. On a new Forever.
After All, It WAS a dream.
Our Long Lost Story
She said, Would you write our story so wed never forget
Where we first kissed. Where we first met.
The time I knelt on the path
Eternal ring flashing in a candle-lit bath
The old tree where we'd hide
On silver moonlit nights
The white board full of notes displayed
A new one each and every day
The walk through the city lights
When we stayed up all through the night
That Summer you went away
My heart breaking every day
A canoe ride on a pond
It couldn't last that long
A storm growing in the distance
Threatening our Loves existence
Paddling, holding on
Fighting to keep us strong
Soaring geese into Sunsets West
As you pressed closer to my chest
The way you looked surreal in that dress
Both of our families dressed in their very best
Winter nights watching planes connect the stars
Can they, too, take us away far?
The sunsets: blue fading into pink
Made one never want to blink
People calling us to Fall back down
From our Love on such high ground
Roses forming winding trails
Distant memories that will sail
Forever into oceans blue
We have promised once "I do"
The friends we've lost along the way
I now dream that they could have stayed
The young one that took his name
Before ever learning suffering or pain
But his parents loved him with all their hearts
Right from the very start
Although we have taken different paths
We've managed to avoid loves fatal crash
The long road to overcome
So that we may see The Son
I don't know what's Right or Wrong
Only that you have Always known my song
Do not weep ever for the past
For it will never last
Instead, look forward, hear my plea
That is where you'll find Eternity
Not in books, pictures, or memories
But in a place that we can't see
Look to the stars to find The Son
It will finish when it's done
Find what's precious, hold it near
For I will Always be with you my dear
You can't hide and you can't run
You will never out-live the sun
In you're heart you will see
The only non-fading picture of me
My only regret is I did not see
Every single moment that you breathed
As for me, the days don't grow longer
But if you ever wonder
That all of this is true
You're Father, The Son, and The Spirit will always Love you
She said, Would you write our story
In the belief of God's existenceI have never had to ask
There are numerous paths that lead us each to our own personal beliefs: Personal testimonies from others, studying the various religious books, or the occasional encounter of conversation from those already firm in their own beliefs. But all of the listening and teachings, all of the books, the yearning to have immediate overwhelming faith in something simply from others experiences will never be enough. What really matters is YOUR own experiences. After all, you only truly know something after you have experienced it, not after reading or listening to others experiences. There will be those that will say to my opening statement "But wait, question everything in life." Being in the science and medical fields for my most of my entire life, absolutely question it all. But I have always KNOWN that God exists. Something deep inside of me has always just had to belief in God, even when I sometimes don't even believe in myself. During my times of intense lows in my life, I have simply just asked God if He is with me, and He always reveals Himself to me in ways I could never imagine. Open YOUR eyes, search for Him Everywhere.
This is my story
I was born William Ben Embry II in 1983 to a recent Veterinarian graduate at the University of Missouri Columbia. I have spent my entire life around the profession of Veterinary medicine. My Father has walked a difficult path. Growing up on a poor, small farm with amazingly difficult family issues constantly surrounding him, there was never time for school, only for work. He was called to the priesthood while still in High School and accepted his opportunity, even with an unsupportive father: "No son of mine is ever going to be a preacher." His High School counselors asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said a Veterinarian they laughed at him as they told him that he would never make it to college. He graduated in 1983 a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. He and my Mother (absolutely amazing soul) met in college, married, and had three children with myself being the middle child.
I have always had an amazing love for life. I have experienced so much in so little time. I do not regret the decisions in my life they have already past. Look to the past only for good memories; learn from mistakes; move on, period. I do not believe God has given us our little time here to dwell in the past. Every second spent there only wastes time that could be used living living for Him. I spent most of my High School days as I do now Awake and Alive. Between God, friends and family, jobs, school and dual college credits, every sport imaginable, reading, painting, writing songs, traveling, and lots of outdoor activities; my days seemed to go on forever. I graduated High School and moved away from everything I knew to attend college; studying the only thing I have ever wanted to be when young: A veterinarian. But instead of doing the normal four years of undergraduate and four years of veterinary school, I set my goal of being accepted after two years of undergraduate school. For me, my first two years of college were not spent with many kids my own age. No partying or living in dorms. I lived in a large Christian Household with various other students across a large spectrum of ages, nationalities, religions, races, sex, and languages. I have had the opportunity to experience and study almost all major religions due to that living arrangement. I have found that it is always good to keep an open mind, experience all options, and to always listen. My first years of college were extremely difficult. Because of the difficult and abbreviated path I had chosen, I entered into all upper level classes and took extra class hours. My Grandfather (on my Father's side) passed away shortly after I began college, but not after finally being baptized in running water by none other than my Father. My Grandfather said that he only would be baptized if it was in a river...just like Jesus. His passing seemed to be the beginning of one of the most difficult periods of my life.
I have always tried to serve God well, and I have tried to lead by serving others first in my life as I have been taught. I was trained to become a counselor during my early college years, thus, I was counseling many other lives during my own low period of life. People would share with me their unimaginable difficulties, lost hope for life, and their own desires for taking their last breath. These were beautiful, happy people on the outside and from all walks of life, but they were all dying inside and wanting to end everything. I would help them by helping share their burdens and taking them on as my own. I am still only now beginning to realize that I cannot please nor help everyone in my life, as this has lost me many things. Even though I have broad shoulders, only after I give everything to God can I begin to handle the burdens of my own life, let alone the burdens of others. One day I received word that one of my very close family members was having serious health issues. The love for my family stretches beyond words, and this just happened to come at an already difficult time. Then September 11, 2001 came. Everything seemed to be falling apart. After the 9/11 attacks, moving away from home, losses of family and friends, counseling others and my extremely difficult college classes, there was only one thing left that I could do pray.
I continued struggling for strength and answers
At the time of all of this, every night before bed I would open up a random part of the Bible (an edition simply named "The Book") and read a few scriptures. One night during all of these events, I was studying physics on my floor and working through a particularly difficult problem set. I was almost ready to give up because my mind was simply elsewhere and I could not get through the problems. A sudden breeze came in through my window on a previously windless night. I shook off the breeze as simply that, a breeze and I continued to study, or at least tried too with a cluttered head and a heavy heart. I could not, on the other hand, shake off the sudden urge to pray. I asked God to please help clear my mind and help ease my heart. I did not want to worry anymore. I know that He exists, but I asked Him if He was with me then when I needed Him most. In that instant, three words came to me. I could not get them out of my head and they kept playing over and over again in my head. It was so powerful that I wrote them down on my physics problem paper. In the right hand corner of a piece of notebook paper, my hand wrote the words: "Trust in Me." I began to feel better and finished my studies. It was late, about 2 a.m. when I sat on my bed and opened The Book. I opened The Book to a random page to read a few scriptures like I had done several nights before. This night was different. The first three words that I read were "Trust in Me."
I fell to my knees as tears streamed down my face. I could feel His presence with me at that moment pure and undeniable. I could not Thank Him enough at that moment. I Knew that everything would be fine as long as I simply trusted, acknowledged, and Thanked Him every day of my life.
I graduated in 2007 from the University of Missouri, Columbia as a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine. As you can probably imagine, I had several very rough patches along the way. At the time, these were my unimaginable lows in my life's journey. This day was going something like that
Now lets step back for a moment. In Columbia, there is a certain trail called the MKT that connects to the Katy Trail. It is roughly wide enough for 3 people to walk side by side down it and is coated with beautiful white gravel. Several low trees seem to wrap their limbs over the top of the trail forming a sort of tunnel. On a normal day, several people can be found running, walking, or biking with their friends, canine companions, or alone upon the trail. I know in my heart that God must walk that trail as well because He has shown me so many beautiful things there. Have you ever had an urge to do something because you thought that God was guiding you in that direction? I used to have these feelings frequently during the low points in life. Its not necessarily a voice in the back of my mind, but more of an idea or a particular thought that I cant get out of my head. It always feels like there is something that God wants me to do or something He wants to show me. On this certain day, I had one of those feelings. I was sitting on a couch studying at my Christian campus house one Sunday afternoon near the dining room. A TV provided the background noise and a few people shuffled in and out of the kitchen. It was a fairly nice day outside, but there was a slight chill. All of the sudden I had this overwhelming feeling that God wanted me to go on a bike ride down the MKT trail because He had something to show me something to help put my mind at peace for the upcoming busy week. I kind of shook the idea out of my head several times because I had so much to do and it was growing later in the afternoon. I am sometimes a little stubborn, it seems. But no matter what I tried, this thought that God wanted to show me something very special that day on the trail kept growing until it was the only thing that I could think about. I finally just put my books down, put some warm clothing and my mp3 player on, and decided to put my faith to work. By this time, I had been down the MKT trail so many times that I wondered what God could possibly want to show me this time that I hadn't seen before. Looking back now, its pretty funny how this always worked for me God would tell me that he is going to show me something amazing, I drag my feet around until He basically pushes me out of the door, and then I am surprised with completely amazing experiences when I finally believe Him and just go.
I begin riding my bicycle from the house towards the trail. As soon as I start off on this journey, rain clouds appear to form from nowhere and it turns darker and colder. A few minutes after I begin riding, I start to feel a few very cold raindrops. I begin to doubt. I am only a few blocks from my house when I stop the bike and begin thinking rationally to myself. The path I was going to take is approximately ten miles long. Does God really want me to ride through the extremely cold rain, ruin my mp3 player, catch a cold, and possibly wreck my bike? What can He possibly show me in a storm? But once again, I could not shake the thought that God wanting to show and teach me something that evening. I felt that He was promising me that He will show me unbelievable things if I just continue down this harder path and believe trust in Him. I began again. A few more blocks down the road towards the MKT trail the rain really began to come down hard and I was freezing by now. I once again stopped. I began to worry. I lost faith
I began again to wonder if I was just making it all up in my head. Its nice and warm back at the house and I had exams to prepare for the next day. I looked up and asked God if this is what He really wants me to do and I promised that I would not look back again. I would stop worrying and I would simply continue forward with my life on this path He had chosen. Again, the same thoughts/feelings flooded my mind so I trusted it all. I got back onto my bike and I was going to go forward no matter what. I began to ride once more. The rain began to slowly ease as I continued another few blocks, then it suddenly stopped. By now, I was at the trail head of the MKT. I was listening to random songs through a shuffle feature when an older song called Ancient Words began playing. It was perfect timing and setting. I began to see wildlife and even sky through the cloud breaks. There is a certain place that I would always stop at on the trail near an open field. It has always been a very special place for me where I would sometimes watch the sunsets or pray. On this particular day, I was riding and I looked back over my shoulder as I neared this place and saw the making of a very nice sunset. I stopped my bike and dropped down to my knees to pray in the sunset. It was the most memorable prayer of my life. The clouds were rapidly changing, allowing for a whole array of colors and designs as the sun descended on the horizon. I felt as if God was hand painting a thousand different amazing sunsets just for me, each one more beautiful than the next. I always wished that I had a camera to capture even just one, but I have realized that the best pictures are kept in our hearts seen through our minds eyes. As I watched, tears began to run down my face. I prayed: God, I know you and I believe in You. I can only Thank You for everything that You have given me. I know that You say that you will be here during my hardest times but sometimes I cant feel You. I am sorry I doubted You today. I know I should try to have absolute faith in You but sometimes its so hard. I need your help so much in my life right now. I see You and I feel Your presence now, but if You could just give me a sign that everything will be alright and that You will always be with me, it would mean so much to me, even if its just seeing one deer on the rest of the path home. Thank You for everything Father
I began to stand up and brush the gravel from my knees when I noticed something moving very close to me across a small creek. I am usually very aware of my surroundings but I did not hear or see anything approach near me during my prayer. As I got on my bike, four deer began to jump through the woods. They were only about twenty feet away. My heart sang and shivers ran through my body. If tears weren't flowing before, they were now. I could not help but to feel His presence with me. I knew everything would be all right. As I journeyed the rest of the way home that night, I saw nineteen more deer. I have traveled that trail many times before, and hundreds of times since then, and I have still never seen more deer on that part of the trail as I did that evening. As soon as I got home I had to wake some of my friends and I called my family to share the experience. Our house supervisor even asked, What happened to you, I have never seen happier eyes in my whole life? I am so Thankful for not looking back, not worrying, and having Faith in God enough to continue forward down His path laid before me. I chose to Live Life that Day, and not stand Idle.
I have to tell my stories...
The testimony that I just shared was one that I have said before, only to a different audience. One beautiful morning in Columbia, MO, I attended a beautiful church that is nestled into a small wooded area. I actually was a few minutes late and there were probably over a hundred members in attendance that morning. There was no formal sermon that day, just four church members who were sharing their testimonies. As I sat in the back enjoying the testimonies and the occasional sunbeam dancing through the windows and trees, I had a sudden urge that I was supposed to share a testimony too one not on the schedule. I had an overwhelming feeling that someone in the audience really needed to hear my words. I quickly just brushed this sudden urge off as my own imagination. I guess my own logic kicked in and I said to myself, Nobody wants to hear some random person stand up and just start talking and taking up precious Sunday time when it is so beautiful outside. I simply put the urge on the back burner of my mind. But as I sat there listening, this urge to share hit me even harder. I did not even know what testimony I was to share but I just could not get the urge out of my head. As I sat there waging war in my own mind on what to do, we stood and began to sing the hymn As the Deer. It was then that I finally knew what testimony God wanted me to share, but was I really going to get up in front of lots of people who hardly knew me and take up more of their time, especially since I am not even on the bulletin? I have spoken in front of very large venues in my lifetime, but I am actually a little shy when it comes to public speaking (although once I get going I'm like a freight train and nothing is going to stop me). I made up my mind, there was absolutely no way that I was going to get up there. Once again, God seems to help open the door and push me through it. The last person on the schedule for a testimony stands up and she begins speaking. This young lady begins telling her testimony of how she was going to end her life one evening at dusk because she had recently lost her whole family in a tragic ending and nothing since had been right in her life. She felt like she had nothing to live for and nobody to share life with anymore. But just before she was going to end it all that evening, she saw a deer in her yard under a tree that was her fathers favorite tree. She had been praying to God for several nights for some sign that her family was all right and with Him. She had asked to see a deer. So when she saw that deer looking at her from under the tree and it staying there throughout the evening, she knew that her family was with God and watching over her still. She decided to continue down her own life's path. After hearing her words, I knew what I was to do and who my words were meant for that day. I knew the leader of the service that day well, and I went over and sat down beside him during the last hymnal and asked if I could share one of my brief testimonies with the congregation as well. He was delighted. I got up in front of everyone, nervous, shaking voice and all; and began telling them about my testimony involving deer and how God wanted me to share that with everyone that day. I don't think there was an unmoved person or a dry eye in the entire church because of the powerful testimonies that day. Almost everyone individually thanked me for sharing. As for the young girl who had her own deer testimony, she said, Really needed to hear those words. God does work through us. We just have to listen and stop worrying. Stop looking back when we should look forward. Share your stories with others.
My Peaceful Place
I had a similar experience to my Path story later on that year during college. I had an urge that God wanted me to take a sunrise bike ride on the MKT trail in Columbia, Missouri. It was a dark and very brisk morning as I set at on my bicycle before the sun began to rise. As I hit the trail head, I began to see a few deer along the way and I knew it would be an amazing journey. I came across a beautiful green open field as the sun slowly began to peak above the tree line. As I began to ascend a gentle rolling hill, I could start to make out very visible small smoke-like gray vapors rising from the green field beyond. I was very curious as to what could be causing this strange phenomenon. As I got closer and closer, I began to realize that these vapors in fact were from freshly rolled round bales of hay in the green field that were previously hidden by the hill in front of me. The vapor trails made me think of Gods Spirit rising from the land and symbolized that He was always with us on our life's paths. As I continued toward the field, the green began to turn into a whitish color. I stopped my bike when I got to the edge of the field and began to walk into the now green-whiteness. I could barely make out the distant tree line and creek that I knew was there from previous rides. As I slowly walked closer and closer to the middle of the field, I became totally enveloped in a completely white surrounding. It was almost blinding, yet so beautiful and so peaceful that I could not close my eyes. The distant tree line faded completely and I felt like I was in an enormous room of solid white. Although, my eyes were wide open, I could not see. My other senses heightened, I breathed in all of life. Sound also seemed to just fade until I was only aware of just God and I. I turned ever so slightly to make sure I was still even on earth. The feeling was just so surreal. As I turned back to look towards the direction I had just walked from, I could barely make out my own hazy footsteps in the green fields early morning dew. Even they seemed to dissolve as they grew closer to me and blended in with the peaceful place. Then I looked downward to see if I was still on solid ground, and that's when I saw it. I was standing in the absolute middle of a rainbow. Not a normal rainbow found in the sky, but one that stretched as far as I could see on the surface of the green fields dew. It made an arc shape and seemed to stretch towards the infinite white horizon. It was here that I found my peace It was here that I knew God...
I've always liked being on the inside of hospitals. Not so much as a patient at a hospital, but as an insider looking out. There is just something about staring out of the windows, at the vast, busy, bustling world outside that feels like home. Is it because I'm a dreamer and used to stare out of my child hood homes and dream about what else is out there, what next big adventure could I take?
Is it because through my own path to becoming a doctor, I would spend countless hours behind hospital walls studying, learning, laughing, crying, and dreaming?
Maybe it's because my first house was an actual veterinary clinic. I was born into medicine.
Or maybe I enjoy hospitals because during my early college career, I would drive from Columbia, Missouri, to Kansas City, Missouri, to study with my sister, now an OBY-GYN Oncologist. I found refuge there, I found amazing friends there. I found love.
Later in life, during holiday breaks, I would fly to Denver, Colorado to help my sister (M.D.) enjoy the holidays because she was normally always on call. I remember staring out at night towards beautiful city lights from the on-call rooms windows. I remember the peaceful, almost dream-like quality of the calming blue lights gently filling the hallways. It was sometimes hard to imagine, during these moments, that the rising sun would bring pure chaos to these peaceful hallways.
They are the places we go to get better, to feel safe.Yet, they are also the places we go to die, or to say one last goodbye.
There are numerous television series and movies involving hospitals. So many, in fact, that there has always been a leading television series involving hospitals since I have been able to remember watching television. These characters and stories are now a part of my own because I have grown up with them. For example, the popular Scrubs series characters have practically mirrored my own life. We can relate to their experiences because even doctors and nurses are humans, even though we sometimes think or wish that they wore super hero capes.
There are good people found here. Believe me, most are not doing it for the money or the status, these people work and work and WORK there tails off for you, their patients. Most have literally bled and sweat for you (whether a bad anatomy accident involving scalpels during medical school, or from exercising in the gym to reduce the intense stress levels endured every day). There's never an easy nights rest for these soldiers of humanities health. It is hard to rest comfortably when every decision can lead to life or death. Constant battles are waged in our minds such as, What if I would have acted faster or if I would have tried another option? We cannot afford to have many bad days. There are no "bad days" for ONE here...only bad days for everyone.
I graduated from the University of Missouri, Columbia as a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine in 2007. Although this is a difficult path to take, I felt at home. I still remember studying throughout the nights inside of the teaching hospital, many times until the sun began to rise and the halls grew lively with the days activity. When faced with extremely challenging schedules and duties, one can really find out a lot about their self. Are you dependable, hard working, a good communicator, a great organizer, able to give orders and take orders simultaneously, able to make hard split second decisions? You will find out soon enough in the medical field.
And then one day, my child was born...in a hospital. A glorious day! But over the years, we have had to visit several times. One night, in particular, my son could not catch his breath. We rushed to my car and drove to the nearest emergency room. As the red hospital emergency sign began to illuminate the blindness of night, a wave of security rushed over me. I knew that I was back home, that WE were back home, safe and sound.
Hospitals are often places of reflection. Remembering the sweet taste of life outside of the walls and diseases confining are freedoms.
The place where most take our first breathe, and the place where most fade into the darkness in our final hours. It is here where many find the true meaning of life, and not just patients. Hospitals are places where life can begin, be given and also taken away simultaneously. It's where I've found my heaven on earth...